Thank you, David.
I sat there on the ocean shore
Feeling rotten to the core
If only I could hold your hand
I wrote R.I.P. in the sand
I wrote this thinking of Jackson.
My depression has turned me from an artist to a writer.
I brought Diana with me to Jeff’s today. I almost cried because she knew how unhappy I was and I thought she was under the impression that I was okay.
I don’t know how to stop being defensive and uncover my problems with Jeff. Every time he tries I get so defensive and it’s such an instant reaction that I just can’t stop being defensive.
I felt like writing today.
Sam read this and thought I was going to kill myself.
This is the only picture I have of Jackson. It’s a screenshot I took of him on Skype while he was playing with his camera affects. I miss him so much. I would do anything to have him back. He was the best friend I ever had.
Why did he have to die and leave me alone? I have looked at this photo hundreds of times when I’m sad, I find it makes me more sad.
I remember seeing him after Warped Tour and crying over a break up and he told me he would always be there for me.
I wish that it were true because a week after he told me that, he was in a coffin, I was crying. He was gone forever and his parents let me sleep over their house and curl up in his bed.
Almost two years later, his sister still calls me when she can’t sleep. His mother still lets me over for dinner. His dad sends me pictures of his car. I went with Jackson’s mom to a tattoo studio and watched her get her sons name, birthdate, and death date tattooed on her shoulder.
I hope to have a tattoo representing him in the future. I was thinking of getting a lantern tattooed on my leg just like he did.
I wish Jackson was still here because I need him now.
“ The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.
I just want to die.